I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
operation harelip BJ is a go
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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