Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
