At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
