Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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