Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
