I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
