I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
