someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
