after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
