So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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