just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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