I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
