I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
dude. I can hear the air.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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