Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize