He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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