My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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