i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize