Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
