oh god the rape fog is back!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
