I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
