11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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