Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
