maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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