Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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