I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
