Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
