tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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