Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
