i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
