whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
