I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
