Are we in a gay sports bar?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
