Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
