He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
