She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
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I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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