she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
