You can't special order awesome
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
