I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
