8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
