I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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