More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize