I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He felt like a one man threesome
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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