you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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