I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
