Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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