Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
how drunk are you?
Several
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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