I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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