What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
