Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
