happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
