guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Welp...herpes.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
