Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
