the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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