Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
