my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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