God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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