That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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