Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
