There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Are my feet made of real feet?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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