OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
