Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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