Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
