I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
