he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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