then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
