One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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