I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
