If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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