WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
