Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
